well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
