The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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