we're blogging at a bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
