You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
