so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize