so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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