half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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