i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
