Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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