There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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