You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
