hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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