smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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