We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
