i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
