i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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