Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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