I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
