He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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