So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
