I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
