the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
