i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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