Where did you get a picture of my penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
