I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
