my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i believe in u and ur pee
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
