dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize