my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
