I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
