youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone shit on the floor
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize