You smell like stripper and shame
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
