Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
