Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
