I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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