i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
