just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
