i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
