He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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