he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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