i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize