so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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