I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
