Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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