she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
