I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
