working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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