pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
