i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
