dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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