love makes seman taste better
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
