She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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