Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
