every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
