somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
