I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
