So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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