One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
