so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
