I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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