She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
