You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
