his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize