make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
