just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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