The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
