Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
