I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
