Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
