Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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